What does affirming mean to you?

I'm interested in hearing what "affirming" means to other people. What does it mean for Hillhurst United? What does it mean for the broader community?

Celebrating and Affirming Our Differences

Consider this question: What is it about yourself that you feel you can't bring to church? My dad is a minister so when I was growing up, I felt as if all the eyes in the congregation and the community were on me. I felt I had to be an angel. And if you know me, you'll know that's far from the truth. But I felt like I couldn't bring the real Greg to church; I felt I had to leave the real Greg on Saturday night and bring only the "church" Greg on Sunday mornings. What part of yourself do you feel you cannot bring to church? Is it a hobby or interest that others told you is not appropriate in a Christian institution? Is it an insecurity about being in groups or sitting next to a complete stranger? Is it an addiction to alcohol, drugs, pornography; some habit that you believe misses the mark and that might get you cast out of the community? Is it something as personal or intimate as your sexual orientation? Do you feel that in this place of love, you cannot speak or think about the one you love because he or she shares the same nether regions or dangly bits as you?

I ask this question because I believe church should be a place for all people and all differences. I believe religious institutions that force conformity miss the point of Jesus' teachings. So how can a church such as Hillhurst become a place where everything and everyone is welcome? How can Hillhurst become a place where the answer to "What is it about yourself that you feel you can't bring to church?" is, effectively, "Nothing. I believe I can bring my entire self to this place." To me, that's what affirming is about.

Repentance

Lent is the 40 day period leading up to Easter where, traditionally, the church has fasted, prayed, avoided distractions from the sensual world and repented of sin.

Wikipedia has a handy definition of Repentance: a change of thought and action to correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged. In religious contexts it usually refers to confession to God, ceasing sin against God, and resolving to live according to religious law. It typically includes an admission of guilt, a promise or resolve not to repeat the offense; an attempt to make restitution for the wrong, or in some way to reverse the harmful effects of the wrong where possible.

Repentance is at the heart of the work of Affirm United, which seeks to address the fact that in the recent past, the Church, in its broadest definition, has actively sought to exclude gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals and families. This requires facing up to the fact that there has been harm done by the church as a community, however well-intentioned. Of course, other barriers to belonging have also been present in churches, some that are in the headlines and some that are not. We attempt to address these with the Affirming process, too.

The key words here are “seeks” and “attempt”. Transforming ourselves will not be a quick and simple fix. It is painful to admit that we have been part of a structure that caused harm, difficult to hear the stories of those who carry the scars of exclusion, and confusing to realize that some very kind-hearted people and loving behaviours have been present alongside easily-recognized negligence.

The word Lent means "slow". An annual exercise in examining our lives deeply, honestly and slowly, is one of the best times to consider what it means to affirm that each individual in our community is worthy of being ministered to with respect to who they are, seen in light of the teachings of Jesus.

Hurt caused in the name of Christianity has not been a result of any inherent malice in the Christian message, but a result of Christendom being a collection of humans. All religions recognize the importance of an ongoing openness to repentance. Learning to do this is an essential spiritual practice.

As stated in an earlier Affirming post on this blog, when a congregation is designated as Affirming, it is making a public statement to all who arrive there that it has taken on a period of reflection regarding barriers to participation and belonging. This can be an important reassurance to someone who is unsure of whether the church is a place in which they can feel safe to be themselves, whether they will be required to hide a minority sexual orientation, gender identity, economic circumstance, health situation.

Here is an interesting exercise. As we embark on a new phase – that of being designated Affirming - which character are we in the parable below (Luke 18:9 – 14) – or are we both at various times?

Jesus told this parable: 10"Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee stood up and prayed about[a] himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'
13"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'
14"I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

A friend has pointed out to me that the removal of decoration that is traditional during Lent has the effect of revealing inner beauty which we often forget during other seasons. During this Lent, may we learn to see inner beauty a little more clearly than we did before, and may we learn to be a little less distracted by superficial things.

Saints

The Movie Milk will be discussed by John Pentland in the final Reel Theology session of 2009 on April 5.

This movie raises important questions for anyone involved in social justice work, particularly from a faith-based perspective. A significant presence in the drama, although not one of the major characters, is Anita Bryant. For a generation, Anita Bryant personified the type of Christianity that promoted intolerance and exclusion. On the basis of her message and others like it, many people have decided that Christianity is not for them. (Indeed, many people have reasonably concluded that Christianity is against them.)

An important question Christians ask is: “How can we move forward guided by a vision of social justice without rejecting a tradition that has been so hurtful to so many?” Must we reject all of our tradition? What about the true saints who went before us, and still inspire us - must we reject them, too?

Of course, there are and have always been currents of Christianity that are based on a message of welcoming and inclusion. A single example is Cecil Williams, who from 1963 to 2000 was the minister of Glide Memorial Methodist Church in San Francisco. Rev. Williams is an African American who made his church the largest social service provider in the city. He is quoted as saying “I went to every bar and flop joint I could and said ‘I’m asking you to give yourself the opportunity to see why you belong on Earth’, nobody else ever said that to them, ‘you belong here’.”

This brings us to Harvey Milk himself. In a secular context, he is described as a martyr and a saint, and from his work and its effects we can learn a great deal about saints. One striking thing about him is that he was a flawed human being, drawn to other flawed human beings. He was driven by a host of personal demons. He recognized that there were also many demons driving his eventual murderer, Dan White.

And yet, he brought an important blend of generosity, coalition-building and humour to both civic politics and the gay rights movement. He did this without losing a sharp personal vision, which included more of the “little people” than the “bigwigs”. He gave to his community crucial enthusiasm, hope and extraordinary courage. He lived with the consciousness of literally giving his life to a cause.

The life of an individual, a community or an institution is going to be mixed when viewed up close. It will contain things we agree with and things we cannot agree with. The Gospels tell us that we are all accountable for the harm we do as individuals, and the Prophets tell us that we are similarly accountable as nations. Knowing that, we can choose to celebrate the life-giving works of others and ourselves, looking to such works for inspiration. Where harm is done, we can do our best to learn how to bind up the wounds, as the Samaritan did on the road to Jericho.

Milk is currently showing at the Uptown Theater, check for times. The DVD will be available March 10. The image above is St. Sebastian, by Giovanni Antonio Bazzi.

Resources on Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity for the Church

There are many great resources for those who are interested. Here are some to start:

Mt. Kisco Presbyterian Church of New York has put together an excellent document called “The Blue Book”, or “What We Wish We Had Known”. This is highly recommended, it is very comprehensive. It is on Mt Kisco Presbyterian’s website under “Resources”, then Blue Book:

http://www.pcmk.org/

Another terrific resource is Out In Scripture, this is from their home page:

Out In Scripture provides distinctive insights into the Bible, week after week, from a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and straight-supportive perspective

The writing teams for Out In Scripture listen for how God is connecting the world of the Bible, the world of LGBT people, with church and society. There is a rhythm, a back and forth, an out and in, between Scripture and our lives. The weekly commentary is a summary and celebration of their prayerful — at times comforting, often challenging — conversation.

Out In Scripture is developed by teams of skilled and prayerful scholars. They include a diverse group of professors of Bible, ethics and preaching from leading theological schools. The teams are also composed of LGBT and straight-supportive persons who explore the Bible together. They are drawn from the Editorial Advisory Board and others from around the country. These teams affirm both the power of Scripture and the authentic real life experience and faith of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

This is the website for Out In Scripture:

http://www.hrc.org//scripture/about.asp

For The Bible Tells Me So is a 100-minute DVD available for borrowing through the church office. From its website:

Through the experiences of five very normal, very Christian, very American families -- including those of former House Majority Leader Richard Gephardt and Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson -- we discover how insightful people of faith handle the realization of having a gay child. Informed by such respected voices as Bishop Desmond Tutu, Harvard's Peter Gomes, Orthodox Rabbi Steve Greenberg and Reverend Jimmy Creech, FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO offers healing, clarity and understanding to anyone caught in the crosshairs of scripture and sexual identity.

Family and Marriage Comments

This is a personal response to concerns about Affirming, and how it affects "the family". These comments may be common sense to some, and a stretch to others.

I’m not trying to address opinions about a specific political issue here, and I certainly don’t know what the right way is to do family and marriage in our changing times. I just want to make some observations from the trenches of marriage and family life.

The family lives we were raised to aspire to – to say nothing of the ones we actually lead – would have been unimaginable to the people of the Middle East of 2 – 3 thousand years ago, when the Bible was first written down. As their lives are unimaginable to us.

In the Old Testament, a marriage was sometimes between one man and one woman, but more often than not, we read that it’s between one man and several women (in King Solomon’s case, 700 women, not including concubines…) Here are some examples:

Deuteronomy 21:15 If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated: Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit that which he hath, that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, which is indeed the firstborn:

Exodus 21 Now these are the judgments which thou shalt set before them….If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.

Moving forward to the time of Paul and the Gospels, things were different from the old testament, but still not the same as today; slavery was an unquestioned part of life, for example, and then there was that rule about how if your husband dies you have to marry his brother – women, did you ever look at your husband’s brother and think “he’s a nice guy, but -”

Are there enduring principals that we can take right from the 5th century BC to the 21st century AD? Yes; and here they are, I’m looking mostly in the Gospels and the Prophets: however we structure family life, we are to do it with love, and do it with justice – so that everyone is looked after, and no one is harmed.

In this time and place, it has become very difficult to keep relationships and families and communities together, we all know that. And raising children is one of the most challenging things anyone can do.

I can certainly testify to that, and there are people here, whether you know about them or not, who have showed absolutely unbelievable sacrifices, courage, strength and creativity as parents – to their biological children and to others who needed them. One of our patron saints here at HUC is Emily Follensbee a mother who worked tirelessly to ensure that there would be educational services for special needs children. Supporting that kind of effort for service to children is a heritage I am proud to be part of & to continue.

Here’s a question. Are the parents of this society well-served by a view of themselves as the only responsible people, with the assumption that everyone else is all about immediate gratification? Is making an exclusive status for parents the best way to support children? Myself, as a parent, I found that view made me feel rather lonely. And when I saw how my divorced and childless friend loved being with my children every Christmas and lots of their birthdays, how important her presence was to them, when I saw how lovingly and in what detail my never-married cousin cared for his parents, my aunt and uncle, during their old age and final illness, I felt much much less lonely in this business of family.

We really are all in this together. I think we need to be able to support each kind of tie that binds, and have the confidence that we truly have something to offer one another despite considering ourselves to be in different social categories. I’d like to think an Affirming Statement can guide us in that direction.

An Affirming statement can also remind us all to show support, not judgment, to families that are struggling. Where are kids – and grownups - going to find support in bad times and inspiration for the future? There’s only one thing I’m sure of – it won’t be where you expect it. If this church has lots of people that kids & parents might not meet on the soccer field, it has lots of potentially inspiring, supportive people they might not otherwise have known. Some of you already have that figured out, and serve as reading volunteers in the schools and children’s choir leaders and Sunday School teachers – and what a gift that is. As a parent and community member, I’m grateful for that gift. I just hope everyone here considers the possibility that they might just be that inspiring person that a child or teen needs to encounter.

One last thing.

It is my hope that an Affirming Statement can remind us all to concentrate on the crucial business of making sure no one is harmed, everyone is cared for, and that everyone knows what it is to be loved. An Affirming Statement can remind struggling families (and sooner or later, that would be all of us) that it is for God alone to judge them. Often we’re worrying about things that aren’t so important after all, and often, we have more going for us than we realize.

Here’s Isaiah: “he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”


Notes:

James Alison is a Catholic theologian who can be tough going sometimes, but if you like reading systematic theology, he’s very interesting. He has said that one of the worst forms of oppression that GLBT people face is to be told that they simply cannot be moral; believing this lie has led to much tragedy. Here’s one of the more accessible excerpts from one of his great articles:


It has been, as some cultural commentators have begun to notice [2], the particular strength of the Catholic family, and the family in majority Catholic cultures, that it has proved relatively resilient in the face of hierarchical attempts to shore up systems of goodness [Alison uses this term to mean the social systems of defining goodness, often for oppressive purposes] ,and has typically opted for the hard work of learning how to love its gay and lesbian offspring over time, including being pleased with and protective of the legal protections which their offspring and siblings are beginning to receive, rather than go along with the easy morality of absolute definitions and consequent hatred and separations which the system of goodness has sought to reinforce.

The same pattern can be seen with the question concerning the proper shape in the public sphere of same-sex coupledom. There is the political battle, concerning access to civil marriage and its rights and responsibilities, and there is the real vocational battle which goes along with, underneath, and beyond that, which can only be dwelt in over time by those undergoing it. This looks something like: “What on earth is the shape of healthy socialization into the possibility of courtship, of adolescence lived at the same time as my heterosexual peers instead of put off until much later? What forms are to be taken by adolescent hopes, fears and dates shared with family and friends instead of hidden or skirted around out of a surfeit of delicacy, shame and fear? What is it going to look like as those who “just are that way” become able, from their childhood on, to aspire uninterruptedly to a shared life with a same sex partner without having to go through the huge psychological battles of wondering whether this would ever be possible, whether such happiness was even imaginable at all, and thus without the scars of a long battle with impossibility being etched into their soul?

Even more than this: what sort of gift to family, Church and society are same-sex couples going to be? What sort of sign of divine blessing and creativity are they going to be? In what ways are gay and straight couples and families going to be “for” each other in the future, beyond the little hints offered by “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” of a heretofore unimagined outpouring of fabulosity and fashion sense among straight males? It seems that gay couples find themselves having to create, imagine, and negotiate every area of their togetherness, because they cannot rely on some tradition of what seems “natural”.

Just so, might not such couples be found to have something to offer those for whom the very fact of the apparent naturalness of their heterosexual togetherness actually makes it more difficult for them to become viable creators of coupledom and family? This seems to be happening as it becomes clearer all over the world how much less “nature” has to do with forming the basis of opposite-sex coupling than was thought to be the case, and how much more it is shifting patterns of power, desire and money, that are at work. It will, I suspect, be only over time that, by dwelling in the place of shame [this is another specific term used by Alison, to refer to a social definition] without reactivity, and without resentment, letting go of superficial bids for approval and short-term solutions, that we will begin to glimpse the shape of our vocations to create living signs for each other in this sphere.

© James Alison. London, Oaxaca, San Jose and Omaha, August – September 2005.

HUC - AN AFFIRMING CONGREGATION?

UPCOMING EVENTS

On Sunday, June 22, there will be a vote on a Affirming Statement.

Congregation members are invited to attend an information meeting on Monday, May 26, at 7:00 pm. There will be an opportunity to view a DVD about 3 Affirming congregations in 3 provinces of Canada, and meet with representatives from Calgary’s other Affirming congregations This is an opportunity to discuss questions about the practical implications of adopting an Affirming statement.

A potential Hillhurst statement is posted below, and all comments are welcome. In May 2008, the latest draft of the statement will be circulated in the bulletin each Sunday.

Should a majority support adoption of the statement, we will proceed with an application to Affirm United; their involvement ensures that the Affirming name identifies a congregation that is truly a place where people will find hearts that are open as well as doors that are open. A service of celebration would follow that, likely in the fall. Our website and other publications would identify us as Affirming thereafter.

ONGOING WORK

Our ongoing work of learning will continue in the fall of 2008 with a focus on hearing one another’s stories, creatively managing conflict, and seeing God’s light in one another. The learning gained through our discussion of sexual minorities will take us into our efforts to address homelessness in Calgary and much much more.

There will be further opportunities to learn how to provide a welcome to, and receive the spiritual gifts of, those who may not be able to count on a welcome in all churches, and in particular those who are bisexual, transgender, lesbian or gay.

There will be continued opportunities to view the Afifrming DVD, and the documentary For The Bible Tells Me So, both of which are on loan here.

And - whatever else the Spirit brings our way…..What do you see as future possibilities?

HISTORY OF AFFIRMING AT HILLHURST

An introductory message was delivered at Hillhurst’s 2006 Annual General Meeting on Pentecost, June 2006. A group of congregation members interested in participating in a process of discernment met over the course of the subsequent 7 months, holding informal conversations regarding the nature, need and process of an affirming initiative. Representatives from this group first met with the Hillhurst Church Board on January 17, 2007 and preliminary authorization was granted for the Affirming Committee to proceed with exploratory discussions, and to make known to the congregation that such discussions were underway.

The formal aspect of the discussion was launched on February 13, 2007, when written information was made available to the congregation outlining the basis and aims of the Affirm United program, and a sampling of Affirming Statements was posted and circulated. At the March 18, 2007 Annual General Meeting, there was a discussion of the role of the Affirming discernment process at Hillhurst. Written information was provided. Educational events on sexual orientation and gender identity, led by the Calgary Sexual Health Centre, were held on May 10 and 13, 2007 and on January 13, 2008.

On March 31 there was a gathering which emphasized listening to the stories of others' lived experience.

In addition, informal discussions have continued, and worship services have included a variety of opportunities to meditate both on our own inclusiveness generally and on our openness to GLBT participation and ministry specifically.


WHAT ABOUT SAME-SEX MARRIAGE?

The congregation’s leadership made a decision on this before the introduction of Affirming in June 2006. The Board of Hillhurst United passed a vote in April 2006 to make this a church that will solemnize same-sex weddings. The Affirming statement would be a sign of the congregation’s commitment to full inclusion in marriage as part of full participation in congregational life.

“In God's family, there are no outsiders. All are insiders. Black and white, rich and poor, gay and straight, Jew and Arab, Palestinian and Israeli, Roman Catholic and Protestant, Serb and Albanian, Hutu and Tutsi, Muslim and Christian, Pakistani and Indian, Buddhist and Hindu - all belong....God's dream wants us to be brothers and sisters, wants us to be family...In our world we can survive only together. We can be human only together..”.
Desmond Tutu

WHAT IS AN AFFIRMING CONGREGATION?

Affirming Ministries are local churches, presbyteries, conferences, educational centres, theological schools and outreach ministries which have made a public statement that they will welcome bisexuals, transgender people, lesbians, gay men, and their families in all areas of ministry; promote reconciliation for lesbian, transgendered, bisexual and gay people in Church and society; and minister to and with people of various sexual orientations and gender identities.

Affirm United is a national program for United Church congregations and ministries that has been in place since 1992. This program is envisioned as a means of support and education for justice-seeking Ministries. (Their website is http://affirmunited.ca/)

To be Affirming is to affirm that each individual in our community is worthy of being ministered to with respect to who they are, seen in light of the teachings of Jesus. Social constructs of any kind (see below for discussion of other minorities) may blind us to the individuality of another person, preventing us from seeing them as Jesus taught us. The national program recognizes that ministries with all persons who may feel separated from the church are important. In our time, the exclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender individuals is one of the largest tests of the of the inclusiveness of the church, and we are better equipped to face other issues of separation when we have faced this one.


WHAT IS REQUIRED TO BECOME AN AFFIRMING CONGREGATION?

A. A statement of faith concerning the inclusion of bisexuals, transgender individuals, lesbians and gay men in the life and work of the Ministry
B. A continuing plan of action for the Ministry
C. A commitment to the Affirming Ministry Program nationally
D. An inclusive marriage policy (required since February 2007)

WHAT ABOUT OTHER MINORITIES – IS THIS A PROGRAM FOR THEM, TOO ?

In order to become an Affirming Ministry, a congregation must go through an educational process that reflects on what it means to be inclusive and evaluates our openness to the ongoing work of being intentional about how we both welcome and include others within the life and work of our ministry. The national kit says “We hope that you will look at a variety of areas that may be barriers to those coming to your community, agism, sexism, racism, ablism, classism and in particular to the Affirming Ministry the issues of sexual orientation and gender identity. The advice we have received from many Affirming Ministries is that this discussion must include as many groups as possible.“ This is borne out by Affirming Statements adopted across Canada.


HOW MANY AFFIRMING CONGREGATIONS ARE THERE IN CANADA?

Of approximately 4000 congregations in Canada, 38 are designated Affirming.

HOW HOW MANY AFFIRMING CONGREGATIONS ARE THERE IN ALBERTA?

3 are in Edmonton. Deer Park, Knox and Wild Rose United have become Affirming Congregations in Calgary. Scarboro has recently adopted an Affirming statement. There are several other Calgary congregations that have a group looking into this.

WHAT MAKES AN AFFIRMING CONGREGATION DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER CONGREGATION IN WHICH PEOPLE ARE UNPREDJUDICED AND WELCOMING?

As the national program reminds us, to be in ministry to and with all involves an attitude of sensitivity and openness to the gifts and graces of each person in the body of Christ. It requires an appreciation that teaching and learning are a two-way process of mutual listening and understanding. This is not always easy and takes some specific efforts to hear others’ stories.

When a congregation is designated as Affirming, it is showing to all who arrive there that it has taken on a period of reflection regarding barriers to participation and belonging. This can be an important reassurance to someone who is unsure of whether the church is a place in which they can feel safe to be themselves, and where they will not be required to hide a minority sexual orientation. In the past, the Church, in its broadest definition, has actively sought to exclude members of the GLBT community. The Affirming process seeks to reconcile the wrongs of that active exclusion.

“In God's family, there are no outsiders. All are insiders. Black and white, rich and poor, gay and straight, Jew and Arab, Palestinian and Israeli, Roman Catholic and Protestant, Serb and Albanian, Hutu and Tutsi, Muslim and Christian, Pakistani and Indian, Buddhist and Hindu - all belong....God's dream wants us to be brothers and sisters, wants us to be family...In our world we can survive only together. We can be human only together..”.
Desmond Tutu

DRAFT AFFIRMING STATEMENT

This is a draft statement that could be adopted by Hillhurst:

Hillhurst United Church commits to be an inclusive community of faith that follows in the Way of Jesus under the banner 'whoever you are, wherever you're at, we welcome you on the journey.'
We strive to accept each other as equals and welcome the ministry and participation of all persons regardless of age, gender identity, health, race, sexual orientation, differing abilities, religious or ethnic background or economic circumstance.
We hope that in all that we do, including our worship and community life, God's unconditional love is experienced. We do this trusting God is with us on the journey.'

Comments and suggestions are welcome.

Note: While the statement includes various potential sources of exclusion, the primary educational focus in the past year has been sexual orientation, for reasons outlined above. The Outreach Committee is now forming plans to extend that education to the other areas mentioned in the statement. We hope this will be an ongoing - and expanding - part of our work.